So I’ve been out in the “working world” for about 2 months now, and honestly, I’ve been enjoying it a lot. Granted I am not much of a morning person, I still manage to find a way to haul my ass out of bed, somersault my way to the bathroom, and roll into the shower and let the flood of water wake me up. However, I must admit, that spending most of my weeks working, grocery shopping, and driving, I have noticed many things that society needs to work on:
1. Put Your Children on a Leash
I love children and respect mothers that are required to take their children out to shopping with them because there is no other alternative. Granted there have been many occasions where I have walked by a family with well behaved children, cute and adorable, that you just want to play “mayor” and pinch there cheek, more often than not you run into mothers that need to see their children get slammed in the chest with a shopping cart before they learn to control them better. Its never fun waiting in line at the deli at your local supermarket, and having the 5 year old son/daughter of satan running around screaming and making a scene because they require attention. Bottom line: Hey lady, if you dont want your child to end up with a mouth full of shopping cart metal, control them like every other wise parent would.
2. Time To Buy New Driving Glasses Asshole
What is one rule we were taught in drivers ed? Blind spots, and to turn your head before you start to merge into the next lane right? Well I can already count more times than fingers I have that someone has cut me off or nearly jerked their car into me on a 40mph road let alone a busy highway. Sometimes I have been tempted to slam my car into theirs just to have the ability to later get out of the car, and jack their face though my windshield. Bottom line: Look behind you when you turn you ignorant asshole, or I will be force to get out of my car, smash your face through your driver side window so you have no excuses to look.
3. Locate the Gas Pedal, Use Accordingly
Ever have those times when someone will blatantly cut you off on a road, a road in which you were traveling faster than the speed limit (lets be serious, we all do it, 10mph over the speed limit is society’s “legal” limit), and then decides not only to drive the speed limit, but feels that acceleration is dangerous? I swear it happens every day on my way to work. I take Main Street in downtown Hartford to get to the highway, and mind you, the damn road is a 40mph road (i think, there are no signs, and you know the rule, no signs = 40mph). Numerous times, I have had one jackoff streamline his way out of a side street, into my lane, blatantly going slower than I was. So patiently I wait, as he merged into my lane, and slowly accelerates his way to the speed limit from a staggering 15mph. Realizing what is happening here, I start to edge closer and closer to this “I-Drive-The-Speed-Limit-And-No-Faster” driver, hoping that he will see the vehicle behind him with a persian, bearded driver making faces of “what the f*** are you doing asshole?” Of course, doing so makes them drive slower, and congratulations, you are now driving the speed limit the whole way to work…
Oh cool, there goes the oldest woman in the world in that large boat of an oldsmobile grandma car driving past us..
Bottom Line: Unless you want to be thrown out of your vehicle Grand Theft Auto style, I suggest that when you cut me off, you drive fast enough that I wont be able to catch up to you whilst running, or I will give you a traumatic experience that will force you to use public transportation for life.
4. Dont Work Where You Dont Belong
Ok, honestly, I dont have a problem with older working class individuals, I mean hey, they are trying to earn a living just as I am, but you wouldn’t expect an 80 year old man who needs an o2 tank to help him through his day running a jackhammer at your local construction site would you? You dont belong there, you arent impressing anyone, get out. Which leads me to this rant, the beautiful Deli line at the grocery store. So ok, when I walked into the store last friday, I was headed towards the deli line, off to make my usual purchase of about 2lbs of roast beef and 2lbs of turkey. Noticing the line was obsurd, I decided to make my rounds through the store and fill my cart with other things I would need. Back to the deli line I go,
Oh nice, number 77 *looks at ticker* sweet, only 4 people ahead of me
So patiently I wait, while the 2 gentlemen take orders, eventually reaching my number. He was an older man, no biggie, I am sure he is more than capable…..
Two pounds of roast beef please
- Uhh, is there anything else I can get because I have to grab it from the back
No problem, two pounds of turkey
- Ah, I will be back, both are in the back
Normally, I would be thrilled as this means I will be getting freshly packaged meat, but noticing that this man started ot have conversations with others before grabbing my stuff, I knew something bad would happen. Eventually he grabs the deli meat, cuts it, and weighs it. Of course, he had to make sure it was exactly two pounds, nothing more or less, and then proceeds to shove all two pounds in one small bag. Realizing I have been waiting for about 30 minutes now, and noticing that the other gentleman managed to serve 10 others while I havn’t even recieved my first order, I got a tad angry
You dont plan on shoving all that in one bag do you? Can I have two bags please?
- You have got to be kidding me
Excuse Me? First off I am not kidding you, second, look at my cart, its full of shit that has probably started going bad because you are taking your sweet ass time over here. I should have dedicated a day to come see you for my damn deli meats, put it in two bags now……Two pounds of Roast Beef as well, 1 pound in each bag, lets go.
Of couse I managed to get a couple of laughs from bystanders who were also upset at the wait from this man, but hey Bottom Line: I dont expect an amputee missing both arms to be a waitress at a fast paced restaurant, it isn’t a good idea. If you cant keep up with the pace with the deli line, the most demanding line in a grocery store, then get the hell out before I run your hand through the meat slicer.
It is about that time for me to make my trip to the grocery store, I am sure I will have more to add to this story in due time. Enjoy
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